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It's BBQ Season. Be Careful Out There.

By Misnomer on Friday, 4th July 2014 5:26pm
  » filed under Las Vegas  comments: 21



You. Yes, you. You are a Las Vegas expert. Your mere presence here confirms it. You've sought out this community for news and information, but also for the camaraderie of like minded individuals who care as passionately about our beloved Las Vegas as you do. You participate in the discussions here, both in the comments section, and on The Board, where your thoughts and opinions are appreciated by your brethren. You are safe here. You are appreciated here. You are loved here. But a word of warning: The real world is not so kind.

It's barbecue season. Someday soon, perhaps this weekend, you will find yourself at a backyard gathering, in a conversation circle, surrounded by neighbors, family, and/or co-workers. Tread lightly. These are The Others. They are not like us. During a lull in a banal conversation, someone will turn to you and say, "Hey, you go to Las Vegas a lot, don't you? What is a good mid-range place to stay?" Your eyes will brighten. A smile will form on your face. And you will begin speaking. You'll be surprised by how the words seem to flow from your mouth before conscious thoughts are even formed in your head. Tropicana, you'll note, is a historic property that was fairly recently renovated. It has a great pool, you'll say, and you'll mention its fantastic location at the Four Corners with easy walking access to New York New York, MGM, and Excalibur. But you'll note that its dining options are limited. You'll backtrack, mentioning the tram at Excalibur that runs to Luxor and Mandalay Bay. You'll be on a roll, your ebullience outwardly visible.

By the time you mention Monte Carlo, with its mid-Strip location and reasonably priced brew pub, your cousin will be staring at you. He will raise an eyebrow when you transition to Bally's. Before you can even mention its internal walkway to Paris, your neighbor Joanie will snicker. You'll barely notice, having already segued into a monologue on The Linq resort's brief flirtation with the name The Quad. It will be Kenny, who sits in the cubicle across from you at work, who will break your mania. "Boy, you really do like Las Vegas, don't you?" he will say. And The Others will laugh. They will callously pivot the conversation to 3rd grade Tee Ball tournaments, or the Game of Thrones season finale, or some other goddamned thing that is not Las Vegas related, and you will be left standing there, crestfallen, cold and alone.

And you will know what you must do. You will head straight to the picnic table buffet, where you will grab a slab of ribs, and smear it across your cheeks, leaving streaks of K.C. Masterpiece like so much war paint. You will kick over the table, sending the potato salad careening into the cornhole set. You will push the barbecue grill into the swimming pool. Standing atop the diving board, you will declare, "I am the God of Las Vegas, imbued with the power of a million neon lights, and I am not to be mocked!" Removing your clothes, you will dive into the pool, emerge from the water, and stomp across the lawn, pausing long enough to snatch Joanie's Bud Light Lime from her hand. You will chug it down in front of her, and toss the empty bottle at the vinyl-sided house. "One more thing!" you'll say before departing. "Flamingo is ok, but make sure to get a GO room."

Godspeed, brothers and sisters.

Tagged: misnomer   


Comments & Discussion:

Get out of my head, Misnomer! But you forgot to mention the glazed expression the relatives and coworkers get in their eyes when we try to help them. I will be the Goddess of Las Vegas next time, they shall bow before that store of knowledge and hope they are worthy that some tiny part of that knowledge trickles down to them. So shall it be done!


Well said. You're the best man!

I've been fascinated with Las Vegas, and the gaming industry at large, since I was in 8th grade (1989). I remember going to the ole public library and researching who owned what casino(s) and property history. Those were the days were there was no readily accessible internet and my research was through archived newspapers (microfiche) and old magazines. A good chunk of people (my parents included) thought I was a nut for pursuing such in depth research on the subject we all know and love. I did have a few random fans though.

That's what's so cool about this site. Thanks so much for putting it together, maintaining, and hosting it Chuck. One gets to read stories about topics they are so passionate about and often times they are written by people as passionate as they (the reader) are. It's such a cool community. It doesn't seem (or at least my impression is) that people are trying to one up each other. People are here for the great camaraderie. Ok, and for getting their daily Vegas fix until their next trip.

Long live Vegas Tripping. Saving 4th of July BBQs from pools, and Joanie's Bud Light, from people like us for over 10 years!

After too many of these experiences, I started playing dumb out of necessity. I typically respond with something along the lines of, "I'm not sure what you were told - but I have only been to Las Vegas once on business. Do you know if the Stratosphere is still open?"

It is highly entertaining listening to an amateur explain the Las Vegas landscape.

I don't read so good but I like the picture!! Amusing as always sir

Yes, but justice will be ours when, forgoing our sage advice, they book that crap room at Harrah's with a view of the parking garage and mildew in the bathroom. Or get diarrhea after an ill-advised purchase of bottled water on a pedestrian overpass. Or come to the realization that 6:5 double-deck blackjack isn't such a great deal after all. But rather than smugly telling them "sorry that happened, I could have helped you avoid that," you instead show pictures of your amazing room at Encore, and rave about the fantastic cocktails you had at Chandelier, or that raucous craps table at the D where you held the dice for half an hour. And then they will truly know the error of their ways.

Hysterical! I have found myself in this predicament at family parties before.

I've smartened up enough in my old age that I tell people up front "I'm obsessed with Las Vegas. It's really pathetic. Whattya wanna know?" Or some version thereof. But...many times I still babble on like the murderer on the witness stand at the end of a Perry Mason episode...the silence...the horrified look on their faces. I'm haunted by it.

Thank God I'm not alone.

This is pretty much exactly what happened yesterday. I was still talking about the history of The Mirage when everyone left the table. I kept on talking, though.

"the Orleans. totally."

I just noticed the photo. Has anyone yet successfully pulled off the look of the player's club 80's sateen jacket, swim trunks and flip flops?

If there's anyone who might be able to pull off that look, it's Spyder.


I recently was asked by a friend of a friend who shares my Britney Spears obsession for the final call between Bally's and Luxor...

I've gone to Las Vegas every year, starting in 2002...sometimes twice a year...Mohegan Sun and Foxwoods are where I go to practice...not a game..but practice...so therefore...I know things...my rooms get comped..I have this thing down...

Knowing her, and knowing the construction around Bally's I ruled that out..having stayed at Luxor twice, I figured there are plenty of bars there, and the location is not all that bad, pointing out that if she and her girlfriend wanted a good day club, it was a walk across the bridge to MGM...

I also need a mule, so she's going to have to place my O/U bets on Oakland and Houston win totals...I also have some Southwest Drink Coupons to bribe her with...

Can't help it...its what I do...

One of my company's customer is the Walgreens drug store chain. When you go to meetings @ their vendor building (where items are sourced and purchased), all of the meeting rooms are named after popular strip hotels, I.E. Mirage, NY NY, Wynn, etc, So the obviously the Vegas obsession is all over the place.

I just don't talk to these people anymore. They just assume it's because I'm an engineer and that automatically makes me a socially inept introvert. Someday maybe I will tell them I would rather hang out in Vegas with hookers and drunks than spend more time with them. Then again, we don't want to lure them into our world now do we?

A whole lot of man love in that picture. #satinjackethugs

Where was this a month and a half ago! I'm so used to playing dumb in settings where I'm out with friends, that I totally screwed up last month when hosting a BBQ with some new friends. Alas the conversation turned to Vegas and as normal I just nodded along until the husband of the couple that was there, said "how many times have you been to Vegas" and I realized I've never been asked that, and that it wa a ridiculous sounding amount of times to those that have been there once or twice.

At work I am the Vegas guy. I get asked where to stay and where not to. I wrote up a lst of places to eat and saved it because people always ask me about it. People I don't even know personally on Facebook ask for Vegas advice. People wandering down the Strip stop and ask me directions. I have been going to Vegas once a year since 2004 and am going back this year. Once I didn't go and made up for it by going twice the year after. Hell, I wear a Vegas lanyard at work and people stop me and ask where to stay. We just are who we are.

I've never been more understood in my whole life. I feel so at home, so loved, so cared for. I too have been given the shut the f'up look from my wife as I wistfully speak of the secret that is the Mandarin Bar. I have given great advise only to hear they stayed at polo towers, eaten at chipotle, and MacDonald’s. I have spent hours crafting and booking a great itinerary for a trip I didn't go to only to hear them complain about hotel price, compared to Luxor, say drink were too pricey at club with a view, after they got in for free, and not go to a single restaurant or activity I suggested. Well after today, no more. You want Vegas advice go to google, or VT for the cool ones. Today I stand up to the masses of unappreciative Vegas wannabe's. Today I drink Joanie's Bud Light Lime.

@blackjacker You nailed it! #manlove

Still relevant!

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