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By Misnomer on Friday, 31st May 2013 1:00pm
  » filed under Las Vegas  comments: 3

    Follow @vegastripping

We asked you, our loyal readers, to submit your questions about Las Vegas, gambling, and whatever else was on your mind. Here, we address the burning topics of the day.

Dave702 asked: Does the $20 trick really work?

She will, but not very hard. You really need to be in the $50 range to see any kind of effort.

DorianDorian asked: If asked to leave Du-par's because I have passed out face down in my pancakes and syrup at 3:00 AM, what recourse do I have?

This question comes from a sage Vegas veteran, as evidenced by its keen wording. At first glance, this question seems to be a simple inquiry about a pancake-eating patron's rights vis-a-vis a dining establishment in the event that the diner is asked to leave. However, note that the question references not only pancakes, but pancakes AND syrup. This was no accident. Mr. Dorian is no doubt aware than an unconscious diner who is asked to leave an eatery has no recourse against the establishment. But that was never the point of his question. What he has cleverly done - and we thank him for it - is offer up a "pro-tip" heretofore known only to an elite group of intoxicated griddle cake connoisseurs. For you see, heavily intoxicated pancake eaters fully EXPECT to be ejected from the flapjackery that served them. And that is why they always douse their johnny cakes in syrup before passing out. This ensures proper pancake-to-face adhesion. Then, hours later, when the ejected patron resumes consciousness, he can enjoy his pancakes from the comfort of an alley behind the Plaza. Kudos to you, Mr. Dorian!

Minton asked: You get to spend a night with any Vegas performer, no questions asked. Who's your pick?

As long as there are no questions asked, I'll say Criss Angel. If we were allowing questions, I'd be afraid he'd say, "Would you like some tickets to my show?"

Vespajet asked: Are there any places in Vegas in which wearing a satin casino jacket would be considered inappropriate?

Due to an archaic ordinance, satin casino jackets are forbidden in all Downtown casino showrooms, a fact unknown to us when we scheduled the World Series of Satin Casino Jackets at The D this October. There is, however, no such prohibition on satin casino thongs. See you at the WSOSCT! #VIMFP

Dave702 asked: Can you warm up the crowd for "Stump Dr. Dave" at VIMFP?

It would be an honor and a privilege! In fact, I've been developing a variety act. It's similar to Bobby Berosini's Orangutans, but with turtles. It's coming along...slowly.

Levans asked: What does Steve Wynn have for breakfast?

Steve Wynn adheres to a strict vegan diet, so I would assume he eats organic, steel cut oats, fresh berries, and tofu formed into the shape of Elaine Wynn's heart.

Big Hoss asked: Why are you so unfunny?

I make it look easy, don't I? But seriously (as if there were any other way, amirite?), having a great sense of humor is something you're just born without.

Drake asked: Is it true you can catch STDs at video poker bars?

It's not been scientifically proven, but if you're going to town on a sticky bartop JOB, pushing Max Credits button and spitting out TITO, it stands to reason that you could catch an STD before a 4OAK. You can definitely get hepatitis from Deuces Wild though. I know that for a fact.

Donnymac66 asked: Who cuts your hair dude?

Nearly every resort in Las Vegas has a full service salon for all of your hair styling needs. My favorite is the Violet Hour salon at Cosmopolitan. If you go, do as I do, and wait until your stylist has nearly completed your haircut. Then ask, "Hey, when does the rough stuff start?" When she asks what you're talking about, say, "Isn't this the Violent Hour... you know what, my mistake." Then jump up and run out. I've gotten three free, almost complete haircuts this way.

RateVegas asked: Is a bale of hay still a bale of hay if you remove one straw? If so, is it still a bale of hay if you remove another straw? If you continue this way, you will eventually deplete the entire bale of hay, and the question is: at what point is it no longer a bale of hay?

Here's a better question: If you remove the straw from your yard glass and it falls onto Fremont Street, do you go back and ask for another straw, or just use the straw from your plastic football full of Miller Lite? I just blew your mind, didn't I.

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Comments & Discussion:

 anawas posted on Friday, 31st May 2013 - 4:39 pm

Speaking of haircut places, which is a more vintage shop: The Tropicana's version or the El Cortez's?

 BigHoss posted on Saturday, 1st June 2013 - 4:44 am

That was totally worth the resort fee.

 Dorian posted on Saturday, 8th June 2013 - 10:44 am

LMAO!!!!

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