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Whadija Bring Me?
When the fun stops. When the ATM machine begins spitting out "Insufficient Funds" slips. When your liver is palpable from outside of your body. That's when it's time to pack up and get out of town. But if you have children at home as I do, you know you'd better hit the gift shop before you depart, because you will be met at your front door by smiling faces, and, "Whadija bring me?"
Here are a few things I've brought back from Las Vegas for my little rugrats.
Mirage White Tiger. My 9 year old loves this white tiger that we brought her from the Mirage. Sometimes we play magic show with it. She makes me be Roy. It always ends the same way.
MGM Lion. Another big cat, this is a lion we brought back from MGM Grand. I told my oldest daughter about the lion enclosure they had there at the time, and she thought that was pretty neat. I told her about the Lion's Share slot machine and it's $2 million dollar jackpot, and she thought that was much neater. The gambling gene is strong in that one.
Paris Dogs. This is Jacque and Gigi, purchased at Paris Las Vegas some time ago. Jacque has a jaunty beret, and Gigi is a French whore with a 150 Euro per day heroin habit. We don't let the kids play with Gigi.
Mandalay Bay Turtle. Purchased from Mandalay Bay's Shark Reef gift shop, this sea turtle has provided hours of family fun. I made up this game where the turtle climbs up on the couch and lays her eggs, and we braid my daughters' hair and give them candles to hold. Then we let them go outside and ram the neighbor's bass boat with their wagon. They love playing Greenpeace.
Caesars Bear. Ostensibly, this is supposed to be Cleopatra Bear, but sometimes it's just fun to pretend he's Winnie the Pooh at a drag show.
Wynn Bear. True story. So there I was, hungover and unshowered, standing in the checkout line of the Wynn sundry with 3 single-dose foil packs of Advil and a Vitamin Water. My flight was departing McCarran in an hour. I reached over my shoulder into a bin and threw this bear up on the counter. I extended the last $20 bill I had to the clerk. Beep! She rang up the Advil - $6.00. Beep! She rang up the Vitamin Water - $5.00. Beep! She rang up the bear - $75.00. My bloodshot eyes grew as big as saucers. "It's a Stieff," said the clerk, who'd clearly been through this a thousand times before. "Do you want it or not?" I said nothing and fished out a credit card. The bear has lived at the bottom of a toy box, untouched, since roughly 15 minutes after it was presented to the kids.
Airport Bear. This bear was purchased at an airport gift shop. He is wearing a sweater that says, "Someone who loves me very much went to Las Vegas and brought me this Teddy Bear!" While that sentiment is mostly true, it fails to capture the fact that the unnamed, loving party also forgot about you completely for four days while drinking himself into a stupor and depleting your college fund. But they don't make a bear that says that. Yet.
Mandalay Bay Vibe Dining at Kumi
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Comments & Discussion:
Bear-y funny. You should get lots of ap-paws.
I wonder what the Gansevoort bear is gonna look like. Orange tan, tribal tats, Red Bull, and a pack of condoms he never plans on using?
Misnomer, you got stiffed by your Stief!
AAAAAND now I have to start collecting Vegas stuffed animals. Might wait a while for the Wynn one.
Damn, all I bring back is a hangover and an empty wallet
Those Paris dogs look pretty neat. They're probably the ownership's sole contribution to the property's theme for the year of their production run.
I wonder what the bear from Terrible's looks like...I'm guessing it has a crack pipe and a bruised shoulder from trying to squeeze through/around the bathroom door. You know - the door where you have to either stand in the tub or on the toilet in order to open the door.
I have an Aria Panda around here somewhere
I think I once actually saw Winnie the Pooh at a drag show...but I had had a lot to drink!
whiskey petes stuffed animal....no comment
My child would have go the Advil as a gift with a bear at that price. You are a better man then me. Love this post, as i know how true and false so much of it rings.
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