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Exclusive: Wynn To Open Wholesale Bottle Service Nightclub

By Chuckmonster on Monday, 1st April 2013 11:43am
  » filed under Las Vegas  comments: 23


Here's a juicy tidbit leaked from within the chocolate curve, Wynn Nightlife has convinced The Steve to repurpose a section of their back of house basement warehouse to create KRKLND - Las Vegas' first ever 'wholesale bottle service nightclub.' In addition to offering bulk purchasing of bottle service, KRKLND will be the first Las Vegas nightclub to require all attendees to purchase membership access cards, which is priced according to benefits received at Gold Star, Business, and Executive levels.


KRKLND is accessed by the "Members" entrance, via the loading dock near the Sands Avenue entrance. After checking membership cards in the KRKLND loading dock, partygoers step onto rare 5,000 year old hand carved Zebrawood pallets and driven via forklift towards the dance floor as the latest sounds by DJ Cautionbeep play you down the grand ramp entrance.


KRKLND's interiors mark a dramatic departure from the lush style of legendary designer Roger Thomas, featuring rough-hewn industrial furnishings, fittings and textures. Booths are constructed of Chinese steel and covered with rare Emperor orange lacquer, ceilings are clad in industrial spray foam insulation made from ground up Swarovski crystals, lighting was designed by Italian artisans based on rare fittings found in 1970's department store Caldor and polished concrete dance floors - reclaimed from a closed gypsum mine near Pompeii - feature etchings frozen in time when Mount Vesuvius covered the ancient Italian city in twenty five feet of ash nearly two thousand years ago.

Unlike other night clubs where DJ's simply press play on pre-recorded tracks, KRKLND will feature music piped in directly from an adjacent recording studio, enabling party goers to experience - for the very first time in a Las Vegas nightclub - music as it is created by humans in real time.

With Nebuchanezzars and Magnum sized bottles becoming so common (and some would say passé) , KRKLND will offer VIP bottle service on the grandest scale - by the pallet - enabling VIPs not only make it rain, but to make it flood... giving each member of their entourage's entourage members their very own private bottle.


Pallets of Grey Goose start at $1,000,000.99


Pallets of Stella Artois start at $888,888.88


Pallets of KRKLND's own private label ale and lager assortment $200.99.

KRKLND opens today, April 1, 2013.

Tagged: wynn   nightlife   bottle service   


Comments & Discussion:

And Misnomer is first in line..

Meant in the kindess way possible, but maybe the comedy should be left to Misnomer.

Meant in the kindest way possible, but maybe your insulting comment really hurt my feelings and makes me wonder why I even bother with this fucking website.

I guess some folks forgot what today is......

@chuckmonseter: You're damned if you do, damned if you don't......

That was kind of a dick move, Duffman.

Bahahaha..."5,000 year old hand carved Zebrawood pallets and driven via forklift towards the dance floor " This is great. Thanks for this much-needed laugh! Tell Terd Newkirk to go lick Anthony Curtis' hiney...no need for his comments here.

Can I get a gallon of Emporer Orange Laquer for my kitchen shelving? It's not looking its best.

I hear someone say recently that if you give any article from The Onion long enough, it will become true. I kinda feel like this may fall in that category also...haha,

Bwahahahah. You mean it's not real? I wanted an Executive Membership.


Meant in the kindest way possible but if you knew how Mr. Monster busts his balls to keep this place the amazing community driven site it is I think you'd think twice before jumping in on him for posting a genuinely creative and funny piece. VT isn't about that kind of snark.

This is pee-my-pants funny. I know, cuz I did. @chuckmuenster I love you for bothering with this fucking website.

Now will 12 packs of the chalice cans be on offer as well?

I'm not sure every employee got the memo. I just went there in order to get First fotos. When I asked security where it was, they looked at me like I was nuts. I became a little animated (they used the word "belligerent") and was escorted off property. Now I a venting my rage on the pin all machines at the Riv

DJ Cautionbeep brings the oontz like no other DJ. You gotta check him out!!!!1!!!11!!one!

But will DJ Muzak get a residency?

How much do they pay me to use a pallet of Keystone?

Made today worthwhile.

now i would buy this for a dollar

KRKLND ... I did a double take ... LOL

I'd expected tons of red and gold paint on those shelves instead of orange and green.

I just got informed about this post (by someone who noted the hate towards me in the comments). Let me say for the record... I thought the entire Aprile Fool's joke was motherfucking hilarious.

I laughed my ass off fron start to finish. Are you kidding me? Amazing.

The $888,888,888.88 was a perfect. Chinese love the 8, we get it. The "making it flood" (instead of making it rain) killed me. That was funny shit. I could not stop laughing.

Truth be told, I'm not so much into Misnomers brand of comedy. But that is just me (not some judgement on it).

Hate on me all you want, but I will not deny that I laughed my way through this post from beginning to end.

Ted Newkirk

PS That turd thing... we're not in 5'h grade anymore. Why not go back to just saying that I'm dumb and my site sucks or whatever. But if the turd thing makes you happy, what the hell. This was still probably Chucks most funny post EVER.

Oh, hi Ted. I'm terribly sorry you thought I was speaking of you directly...I was in fact referring to our friend on twitter: @TerdNewkurk

I can see why you might have thought it was directed at you due to the misspelling of his last name in my previous comment. Again, apologies for that...I do not know you personally and have no desire to bring ill will to anyone that I do not know.

Also, sometimes I wonder if I am really am still in 5th grade...that would probably explain why I'm still single. Only logical explanation.

That's awesome Chuck, you rule still!!! did you get some funny looks taking all the photos tho? I thought they frowned on taking pics in night clubs

Very creative and funny!!!

I bet the munnchy menu includes loaded nachos serving 25 and buffalo wings by the gross.

I can hear the oontz oontz oontz reverberating off the warehouse walls now.

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