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On Urinals And Urinating

By MikeE on Tuesday, 22nd January 2013 11:21am
  » filed under Las Vegas  comments: 12

   

It's a pet peeve you never knew you had. It's disgusting and unsanitary. I'm talking about the auto-flushing toilet or urinal.

But wait! Hands free pee disposal! How can anyone complain about that? Well gentlemen, let me ask you, when have you been in Vegas and not acted like a child at the premiere of the latest Disney movie, holding your stream in until it hurts? When the table's hot, your bladder capacity is unbelievable. And when the table's cold, you can't get up because you don't want to miss that moment when the cards turn. And seriously, is there any casino that has a bathroom close enough to let you relieve yourself while the shoe gets a shuffle? While the chip rack gets counted?

When the inevitable time comes, one must stand awkwardly facing the wall, praying that nobody takes the tinkler next to you. And when you're Vegas drunk, the flow never seems to stop. I can call Five Hundy and wax poetic on the pay tables at Sam's Town before I do the shake. I get tired. I get bored.

I do the mid-pee shuffle.

You know what I'm taking about. That thing you do when you shift your feet midstream, putting weight on the opposite foot. Or maybe you give yourself a couple more inches between the receptacle and you. Maybe you test the effectiveness of those anti-splash pads at various stream targets. The problem is, when you do this, the toilet flushes its damn self! It thinks you've moved on, cleaning itself for the next patron. But no, instead you're standing there, exposed to the bacteria filled plume formed from the excrement water whirling violently before you.

Shit.

We've already declared that we're Vegas homeless. The first resort that can successfully lower the sensitivity on these auto-flushing mechanisms may very well get my business.



Tagged: the can   wayne newton   





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Comments & Discussion:

This also brings me back to my #VIMPF comment on Wynncore urinals, I always feel like I'm peeing on my shins

Bring back the wynn urinal pads!

you could always go into one of the stalls ans pee there

What a wonderfully accurate observation. It seems like great material for Sienfeld.
Oh, and when I say accurate, please try to be! Ha!

They keep the water too cold in the urinals.

By the poker room at the Monte Carlo, they have a bathroom that is all stalls...wait a minute... that was the women's restroom that I walked into drunk...

I hate to break it to you, but in the dry heat of Vegas summer you can feel the evaporative cooling on the front of your pantlegs, even if the pee pot doesn't flush on you before you manage to step away. From the splashback. Which means, yuk, it's been happening to us guys all along!

Indeed, bring back the Wynn antisplash pads. Please.

Just be a normal person and urinate all over (in?) the toilet in a stall.

And to the female readers out there (or guys while sitting, of course),
ever had the flusher go off while reaching to wipe, or obtain the TP? Thus having the flushspray produce a, sort of, bidet-like mist effect? TMI does not apply given subject matter.... unfortunately. ;)

At least with splashback at the standing fixtures, it's only your own... product, which is sterile upon leaving the body. (Then it becomes a petri dish like growth medium, hence the grossness of the premature flush....)

A growing concern among the Vegas community is the lack of proper manners our city’s urinals are showing our guests. Common pee practices like the mid-pee shuffle and anti-splash target practice have been rudely interrupted by premature-flushing urinals citywide. At Golden Gate and the D, we understand that the time a man spends in the bathroom is a special time that deserves the highest-quality products. The issue of inconsiderate urinals is caused by occupancy sensors that have been set too tight so they don’t always recognize a peeing patron finishing his business. This is why all of the urinals at Golden Gate and the D are the best that money can buy with sensors that are set properly so they will wait indefinitely until the person is clear of the immediate area. In addition, Golden Gate and the D feature luxurious wide-bowl urinals with straight vertical flushing methods to eliminate splashes and ensure that all men’s shoes are kept pee free. And at the Golden Gate, restrooms are right off the casino floor, so there’s no missing the action whether you’re at the slots or, um, the craps table. No matter where our guests are at in Golden Gate or the D, we promise to do everything to create the best possible casino experience.

^^^^Awesome!!

I just wanted to point out that the magical super-deluxe non-splashtastic urinal pads formerly available at the Wynn may still be found at most, if not all men's rooms at the Mirage - at least as of December 2012. Enjoy them today before they disappear!



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