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Las Vegas Q&A With Misnomer

By Misnomer on Friday, 25th May 2012 2:23pm
  » filed under Las Vegas  comments: 4


Vegas Q&A

We asked you, our loyal readers, to submit your questions about Las Vegas, gambling, and whatever else was on your mind. Here, we address the burning topics of the day.

Via Twitter, @mitzula asks: Why won't the cream get rid of the itch?

We appreciate your keen analogy, as we too have found ourselves victim to the insatiable desire to play video poker for hours and hours while in Las Vegas. Moreover, the "itch" that video poker players discuss is the quest for a royal flush jackpot, which is the only panacea that will cure the affliction - at least temporarily.

Then again, if you meant pubic lice, we just shaved those suckers off.

Via Twitter, @michaelsimmonds asked: How do I Internet?

Ctl+Alt+Del, Left, Right, Up, A, Up, B, Down, Left, A, A, wait for the modems to "handshake" and then input AOL Keyword "VegasTripping" into your Netscape browser. It should say, "Created by Warren Robinett".

Via Twitter, @BigHosss asked: Why Vegas?

Las Vegas - sometimes called "Sin City" or "The Big Apple" - is as much a state of mind as it is a place. It's a city that pulls you into its non-stop action, and invites you to become a participant.

Via Twitter, @BigHosss asked: Why not Vegas?

Because sometimes, you just want to go to Santa Claus, Indiana.

Via Facebook, Cal Watts asked: South Tower or North Tower at Bally's? Which one is better?

We prefer the North Tower, because it was more recently renovated, and because its "L" shape and lack of window tint make it highly probable that you'll catch a glimpse of someone in some state of undress across the way from your own room. Note, however, that given Bally's position as a lower mid-tier property, you'll probably be staring headlong at a middle-aged funnel cake maker from Santa Claus, Indiana.

Via Facebook, Don McDonald asks: Do any of the buffets have a toast station?

Excellent question, Don. Las Vegas hotels have long sought to include toast stations in their smorgasbords, reasoning that patrons would enjoy a variety of toasted breads, jams and marmalades as a compliment to their prime rib and crab legs. However, attempts to implement a toast station have proved impractical.

The problems are myriad: Department of Health regulations require that every toast station constructed in Clark County have an adjoining toast-scraping station, effectively double construction costs. Las Vegas's unionized labor force means that entry-level Crumb Shovelers often make more than high level hotel managers. Then there's the liability associated with heart attacks caused by toast popping up just when it seems like it should have popped up already but hasn't.

Frankly, it's a logistical nightmare that no one has been able to solve. We suggest bringing your own toast to the buffet.

Via Twitter, @doc_al asks: What does the new name of the Sahara, SLS, stand for?

There seems to be a common misperception that "SLS" is shorthand for something else. In fact, the letters are meant to be enunciated, and the hotel's name is pronounced "Sulls".

Via Twitter, @john_a_hall asked: Can you get me a comped room at (Insert Las Vegas Resort Name Here)?

This question illustrates the frustration that a frequent Las Vegas traveler feels when an acquaintance asks to glom onto their hard earned comps. What people fail to realize is the frequent Las Vegas traveler has invested a great deal of time and expense in earning the comps and in building relationships, and asking for "something for nothing" can be terribly offensive.

I recall becoming upset once when my neighbor asked if I could help him get a comped room. "You may as well just ask to sleep with my wife!" I told him, incredulously.

"That's not the same thing at all," he said.

"Oh, and why is that?" I replied.

"Because I've never been inside a comped room," he said.

Via Twitter, @BriGee asks: Which club are you least likely to see barefoot women?

We would say the Sam's Club on Tropical Parkway, but then again we once saw a woman set her piggies free in the mayonnaise aisle.

Via Twitter, @unlvgaming asks: Is it safe?

Yes, but it's not big enough to hold a laptop.

Via Twitter, @billyinvegas asks: Can I legally pee in/on a CityCenter pocket park?

A sternly worded censure from the Department of Professional Regulation prohibits us from dispensing legal advice any longer, but we can suggest that, if you encounter any resistance while peeing in a CityCenter pocket park, tell them that you're PEED certified. Actually, if you encounter any resistance while peeing, you might have a kidney stone.

At any rate, why risk a citation for public urination? Do as we do, and fashion a makeshift catheter from a yard glass. Strapped to the inside of a pant leg, it will provide hours of relief, and you really haven't done Vegas until you've peed through a crazy straw.

Well, that's all the questions we have time for. We'll do this again, real soon!

Tagged: misnomer   


Comments & Discussion:


Well since you hired that lunatic, doesn't that make you a lunatic? ;)

You may be right. I may be crazy. But it just might be a lunatic you're looking for!

Turn our the lights...don't try to save me....you may be wrong/but for all I know you may be right...

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