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News Brief's For April 27, 2012

By Misnomer on Friday, 27th April 2012 1:02pm
  » filed under Las Vegas  comments: 5

   

Neglected Chihuly Sculpture Sprouts Glass Weeds

One of Bellagio's most famous scenic attractions has fallen into a state of neglect. The glass flower bed sculpture by artist Dale Chihuly, a fixture in the hotel's lobby since it opened in 1998, has become overgrown with ornate, hand-blown glass weeds.

The outcropping of exquisite, highly detailed glass weeds is likely the result of a personnel reduction in the staff that oversees the care of the sculpture. A spokesperson for MGM Resorts International, which owns Bellagio, said that while the recent appearance of master artist-crafted dandelions, pigweed, and lamb's quarters is regrettable, cutbacks and budgetary constraints will likely mean that some time will pass before the company can reemploy the staff necessary to hand pull all of the unwelcome crystalline foliage.

In the meantime, workers will attempt to control the glass weeds by spraying them with a mixture of Windex and Roundup.

Total Rewards To Become 'Totes Rewards'

In an effort to appeal to a younger, hipper demographic, Caesars Entertainment announced today that their popular Total Rewards players club will become "Totes Rewards".

"We think the change reflects the energy of our younger customers," said Carlo Montenicci, VP of Casino Marketing. "These young people have a parlance that is all their own, and we want to demonstrate to them that we speak their language. You can be young and vibrant and have fun at Caesars Entertainment properties, and at the same time, earn slot club points toward valuable rewards. Totes."

The new Totes Rewards club cards will be emblazoned with the slogan, "This Shit Cray!". While the Gold and Platinum tier levels will be retained, the Diamond card will now be known as Like A Boss.

Robin Leach Forms, Banishes Objective Thought

Gossip Columnist Robin Leach today formed, and then quickly banished, an objective thought. The fleeting instance of objectivity occurred when Mr. Leach skimmed a press release, causing his brain's occipital lobes to process the information, which related to an actress making an appearance at a Las Vegas retail store. Then, a series of neurotransmitters fired in Mr. Leach's brain, causing the information to cross synapses before settling into receptors in the columnist's temporal lobes.

There, Mr. Leach's brain applied reason to the information, deducing that the actress was devoid of talent, and that the retail establishment sold products with no intrinsic value to human beings. From there, Mr. Leach's brain transferred the objective thought to its parietal lobes, where it was quickly crushed by Mr. Leach's superego. Finally, a portion of Mr. Leach's brain known as "Broca's area" transformed Mr. Leach's final thought into words: "Print this," Mr. Leach said, flipping the press release to Las Vegas Sun entertainment editor Don Chareunsy.

Audrina Patridge will appear at Sugar Factory this Saturday from 5:00-7:00 p.m.



Tagged: misnomer   





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Comments & Discussion:

This shit cray!

You rock it. Not that I agree with any of the sentiments therein, of course.

Wow, I hadn't heard of totes rewards yet! Way to break the story!

Of note...the promotion for attaining Diamond in a Day is still enforced but has been changed Douchebag in a Day.

^ +1



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