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Priest Purloins Parish Plate to Pay for Poker Passion

By JohnH on Monday, 17th October 2011 11:35am
  » filed under Mergers & Acquisitions  comments: 6


In all honesty, that headline should read something like "Priest Steals from Parish Donations in Order to Subsidize Raging Video Poker Addiction," but hey, a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do in order to strike up a little alliteration every now and again.

And yeah, you read that correctly. The LA Times and the Las Vegas Review-Journal are reporting that a man of the cloth in the Las Vegas Diocese has taken $650,000 from the "Help Convert the Little Heathens" missionary box and put it straight into the coffers of the "Jacks or Better Assistance Fund."

Now I hate to poke fun at a man who quite clearly has a serious gambling problem and now faces the daunting task of repatriating that $650,000, $750,000 in fines, and a possible 60-month prison term, but I'm going to anyways. It's just too hard to resist the wisecrackery that arises out of such a situation. I mean, what did the guy do on a normal Sunday? Celebrate mass at the Guardian Angel Cathedral and then followed that up with a second, separate mass at the Eastside Lounge chapel of the First Church of Steve? Was he wearing the collar and black shirt when he hit a royal at Book and Stage? Was his loan shark the nun from "The Blues Brothers?"

Putting all that fun aside, this poor bastard is really in for a world of hurt that no amount of prayer, confession, or any other spiritual mojo might be able to help. Or maybe not. He could always play that old "Priest was possessed by a gambling demon and is in desperate need of a young priest and an old priest to perform an exorcism" card. Well, either that or the classic "But God kept telling me I was going to hit those trip aces on the next hand!"

Tagged: jesus   gambling   


Comments & Discussion:

Someone's bound to say it, so we might as well get it out of the way:

Well it was either that or molesting kids......

Paging Jimmy Swaggart...paging Jimmy Swaggart....your faux confession services are needed...paging Jimmy Swaggart...

At least he is Seven Stars...I hope.

I heard he had a Twelve Disciples card.

650K over ten years? That's 65K per year, better than $1200 per week. How does that go unnoticed? Who's watching the books at that church, Father Magoo?

That said, losing that kind of money on VP makes all of us VP players look like gibbering button-pushing cretins. Shame!

I wonder if he's going to use the Father Ted Crilly Defense, "The money was just resting in my account".......

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