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What is a Hostess?

By Misnomer on Friday, 9th September 2011 12:24pm
  » filed under Las Vegas  comments: 6


When we consider the word "hostess" we may be inclined to recall a simpler time, when suburban dinner parties were the norm, and everyday etiquette was strictly observed. Or, we may consider its common usage within the Las Vegas club scene, where it means something decidedly different. Today, we compare and contrast these two hostesses.


The polite hostess... makes the company of good friends her only reward.

The Las Vegas hostess... demands $50,000.00, up front, just to walk through the door.


The polite hostess... is prepared for the punctual arrival of her guests.

The Las Vegas hostess... arrives three hours late, having been delayed by a negligible marijuana arrest, a prearranged, choreographed catfight with a "rival" Las Vegas hostess, and a scripted TMZ interview.


The polite hostess... proudly offers a selection of fine wines for the responsible enjoyment of her guests.

The Las Vegas hostess... proudly endorses relabelled Ukrainian military surplus lantern fuel / vodka, which sells for $500.00 per bottle, and may cause blindness.


The polite hostess... spares no time or expense in preparing the finest culinary experience for her treasured guests.

The Las Vegas hostess... regurgitates a spicy tuna roll into an ice bucket.


The polite hostess... keeps abreast of the latest fashion trends.

The Las Vegas hostess... keeps a breast exposed, in full view of the paparazzi. #NipSlip trends on Twitter.


The polite hostess... creates a pleasant atmosphere by playing a selection of standards and classics at a reasonable volume.

The Las Vegas hostess... takes over the DJ booth, and at ear-splitting volume, plays the Calvin Harris remix of the DJ Afrojack edit of deadmau5's "Prague is Vague (feat. Haley)". Released 36 hours ago, the song is considered an EDM classic.


The polite hostess... is well versed in the topics of the day, and does her part to foster pleasant conversation amongst her guests.

The Las Vegas hostess... has intercourse. On the dance floor. With an NBA point guard, a cocktail waitress, and a cranberry juice carafe.

Party Favors

The polite hostess... provides a thoughtful keepsake for her guests to take home with them, to better remember the delightful evening.

The Las Vegas hostess... smuggles cocaine in her vagina, blows rails with her guests, and will remember nothing of the delightful evening.

At The Evening's Conclusion

The polite hostess... passes out her guests's coats, and thanks them for coming.

The Las Vegas hostess... passes out, and pees herself.

Tagged: misnomer   


Comments & Discussion:

Thank you for that.....So funny....but some ring of truth sadly. Cheers.

"relabelled Ukrainian military surplus lantern fuel / vodka" I'll have mine in a cranberry juice carafe please.

Man, I love Vegas!

I'm glad I'm not the only one that thinks Russian (I know you said Ukraine, but eastern Europe is all the same, gray and depressing) vodka is fucking gross and tastes like gasoline. Seriously, I drink a LOT of vodka and have had just about every brand out there from the $9/liter bottle up to the top shelf stuff and ANYTHING that has been imported from Russia or any other Eastern Bloc (formerly) country tastes the same.
In the words of Ron Burgundy "I'm gotta be honest with you, that smells like pure gasoline."
Poor Russia, they just can't do anything right.

I bought a bottle of Ruskova vodka once because it was several bucks cheaper than my usual vodka buy, Svedka and the signs in the store promoted high ratings for it. It made some of the worst vodka tonics and martinis ever. Even Smirnoff was better than this stuff, it was nearly as bad as one you would find in a plastic bottle at a liquor store in the ghetto.....

As long as they are serving Chernobly with the Ukranian vodka, it's ok with me.

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