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Sub-Prime Grey Goose Crisis Causes Double-Dip Recession

By Misnomer on Wednesday, 18th May 2011 5:11pm
  » filed under Las Vegas  comments: 14


Sub prime grey goose crisis

After a brief period of recovery, the U.S. economy has plunged into a double-dip recession, a downturn that observers attribute to the sale of bottles of premium-brand vodka to consumers who simply cannot afford them.

In what economists are calling the, Sub-Prime Grey Goose Crisis, upscale nightclubs, many of which are located in Las Vegas, Nevada, sell vodka to underfunded club patrons for as much as $500 per bottle. The buyers are frequently young people with limited incomes, who nevertheless covet the feeling of pride that often accompanies first-time bottle service ownership.

"They make it so easy," said Jeremy Ng, 23, who sells vinyl replacement windows from a booth in a Pasadena area shopping mall. "Just give 'em your credit card, and - boom!- the Goose is loose," explained Ng, referring to his purchase of Grey Goose vodka at a Las Vegas nightclub.

But for Ng and so many other partygoers, the fun abruptly ended when the credit card bill arrived. Vodka related charges running into the thousands of dollars are difficult, if not impossible, for cash-strapped consumers to pay.

"I mean, that night at Marquee was epic, yo! But then I got the bill, and I was like, are they for reals? I can't pay that shit," said an exasperated Ng, between sips of an Orange Julius.

Professor Martin Periwinkle-Gunderman, an economist with the Harvard Business School, explained how these seemingly benign purchases of nightclub spirits became a national crisis. "What happened is, credit card companies quickly packaged this debt and sold it to Wall Street trading houses," said Professor Periwinkle-Gunderman. "These blocks of vodka debt were known on the Street as, Magnums."

Over time, it became apparent to Wall Street bankers that these Magnums simply constituted large blocks of bad, uncollectible debt, on a scale large enough to nearly bankrupt several of the nation's largest and oldest lending institutions.

"Eventually, the U.S. taxpayer will end up footing the bill for this, in the form of another massive bailout," said Professor Periwinkle-Gunderman.

When asked whether legislators and other policymakers should have seen this Sub-Prime Grey Goose Crisis coming, particularly so close on the heels of the Sub-Prime Mortgage Crisis that caused the previous recession, Professor Periwinkle-Gunderman offered an assurance. "What we've seen here is unprecedented in history. I simply cannot foresee any further scenario in which an industry bases its entire business model on the sale of its products to people who cannot afford them."

As for Ng, when asked if his vodka buying days were over, he replied, "I mean, probably, yeah. That's just too much to pay for vodka, you know. Plus, I got an appointment today to get some rims put on the Scion."

Tagged: misnomer   


Comments & Discussion:

This is awesome. No, it's beyond awesome.

And it reminds us that some of the truest notions are often made in jest.

This is brilliant.

I would love to see in the future if the club industry in Vegas does ever crumble or experience some sort of recession-like trends. There's so many of them eventually there has to be an influx of too many choices to buy your $500 bottle of grey goose, right?


I seriously wonder how much SoCal bubble home equity was cashed out and converted into bottle service.

Misnomer: this is your best work by far...and your other articles were pretty darn fine!

Really funny. And your Jeopardy answers were brilliant.

Made my day. My week. Great stuff.

Thanks, y'all. Happy you dig it! :P

Two things
1) Grey Goose isn't as gangsta as it used to be, I think all the rappers have moved up to Cristal
2) Don't make fun of Scion's with rims!! I drive one (with alloy wheels, not shiny crome). I love my box

Awesome post!

I re-read this after a 48-hour cooling-off period, and it got even better!

"...I love my box"


hee hee, she said "box"

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