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Tip Tax Foe

By BlackHillsBoozeHound on Wednesday, 7th April 2010 3:00am
  » filed under Mergers & Acquisitions  comments: 5


Let's say that you are in the unenviable position of having to call your credit card company (I personally would rather eat a Twinkie from Satan's asshole). One of the first steps of navigating the Seven Levels of Hell in this process is entering your credit card number. Yet if you're fortunate enough to make contact with a human during this process without your call being dropped - and good luck with that - what's the first thing they ask you?

It's much the same way when you exit your hotel and get in line at the cab-stand. The attendant will ask you where you're headed, but rarely will this information be conveyed to your cab driver, thus his (I say "his" as I have never even seen a female cab driver in Las Vegas, let alone had the pleasure of being ferried by one), first question is, "Where would you like to go?" In a recent piece in the Las Vegas Review-Journal, columnist Doug Elfman reveals the reasoning behind this: if you're brazen enough to tell a stranger in a uniform that you're in search of liquor and nudity, you will be placed in a special line, and given a free ride (sometimes via limo) by a driver who has an arrangement worked out with both the owner of an exotic revue and your new cab-stand friend. Driver gets a kickback from the club, and then passes a portion of this along to the valet.

In short, a perfect system wherein everybody wins. Sleazy strip club owner gets new customers, patrons get a free ride to the club, driver and doorman get paid for word-of-mouth advertising. Its simple, logical, economically-viable structure is indicative that the government doesn't have fingerprints anywhere near this thing. Until now: in March, IRS agents had a come-to-Jesus meeting with the club owners and told them that either they provide IRS 1099 forms for all drivers in the future, or available Las Vegas commercial real estate properties will see a sudden upsurge. Rolling downhill, as shit is prone to do, drivers are supposed to maintain 1099 forms for the attendants to whom they pass along a portion of their kickbacks, a plan destined for failure before the ink even dries on the page. Failure, or some manner of creative field-revision.

I'm no anarchist. Can we at least pretend that until the end of the piece? Thank you. Yeah, I know, tips are always supposed to be reported to the IRS. But I mean, come on. Going after an age-old system of palm-greasing seems a little misguided. There are other low-hanging fruit that could just as easily be plucked. Allow me to just say that RockChick knows where I'm coming from and leave it at that.

The (urban) legendary millionaire seating captains notwithstanding, if you're in a job wherein part of your income comes from tips, chances are good that you've not got a swimming pool full of bills and golden coins that you like to dive into, Scrooge McDuck style, spitting out nickels and dimes as you come up for air. Has the deficit grown so bad that we're holding the little guy's feet to the fire? Wait, don't answer that.

People, we have got to figure out a way to fight this. If this morass of paperwork is implemented, we could be facing dire times indeed: we may have to pay for our own rides to strip clubs. And that just goes against everything Las Vegas stands for. Write your senators and congressmen a heated letter urging them to do all they can to put a stop to this harassment. And tell 'em Boozehouse sent ya.



Comments & Discussion:

I've gotten a female cab driver in Vegas before. They do exist!

Actually, the time I had the female cab driver, I was staying at Hard Rock and picking up a rental at the McCarran Rental Car Center. She had no idea it even existed, so I had to give her directions.

somebody hasnt been paying attention to tax policies recently...

I had a female cabdriver once. A scary and wrinkled mess. She tried to take me to a massage parlor where she said she worked. Did not go. Haven't had a female cabbie since. Thankfully.

If all cabbies have to file 1099 forms, does that mean that they are all U.S. citizens?!?

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