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If We Booked Vegas Celebutards...

By Chuckmonster on Friday, 14th August 2009 1:21pm
  » filed under Las Vegas  comments: 7


Nobody likes a complainer.

Ok, we love complainers... but we do get sick of people who do nothing but complain. We don't complain all the time, much to the chagrin of those complainers who complain that we don't complain enough.

In the hopes of giving the boobs who run the casino celebutard booking office - inspired by Movable Buffet's phenomenal assessment of Mr. Minus Eight Minus That Biatch Kate - we thought we would offer up our top ten celebrity host picks.

This list is surely incomplete, but with top 10 lists added by y'all goofballs I'm sure we might be able to whittle this down to a pool of a hundred or so folks we all might agree on. Or not.

Here goes... Chucks Picks for Top 10 Celebrity Hostsesses (in no particular order)

1) Henry Rollins

Singer, speaker, shouter, yeller, actor, writer and member of the final incarnation of Black Flag. Imagine how much fun he'd be on the mic at Wet Republic. Yikes!

2) Penn
3) Teller

Huh? Yeah... they've got a show at Rio, they've got a show on Showtime, but even all this exposure barely scratches the surface of the weirdness that these guys embody. I'd kill to hear these guys work the DJ tables.... Sun Ra, rare Beatles noise tracks, Bartok string quartets. Finally some music we can dance to.

4) Cornelius

Mark down an extra 1 2 3 4 5 6 points if you know who Cornelius is. Some call him the Japanese Beck, which we feel is an insult to his genius. We don't toss that word around often.

5) David Gilmour

Who else would you rather get comfortably numb with? BYO LSD.

6) David Byrne

One night only... David Byrne curates a show at a club, it'll be like 60 Minutes on Acid. Will there be music? Will there be dancing? Will there be Powerpoints? This ain't no party, this ain't no disco, this ain't no foolin' around.

7) Mike Patton

Once (and current?) Faith No More lead singer is probably one of the most creative people in the music biz today. Imagine what one night in a club/atmosphere of his design might behold.

8) Yoko Ono

Line the front of Casino Royale with the largest outdoor P.A. ever assembled, pointed directly at the Mirage. Wait until the start of LOVE performance... hand the mic to Yoko.

9) Karlheinz Stockhausen

Mr. Stockhausen is a German avant-garde composer who is most known for writing music for three independent orchestras to perform at the same time (but not together). Another of his pieces was written to act as beacon to intergalactic spaceships... telling them where they can safely land. He's nuts.

10) The Flaming Lips

Give Wayne Coyne and the Flaming Lips club space for a three months... Las Vegas will never be the same.



Comments & Discussion:

1. Shane MacGowan. To quote the late Dr. Thompson, In this town they love a drunk. It wouldn't matter which band of his he brought with him, be it the Nips, the Pogues or the Popes, the local distributor for Guinness and Bushmills would have to order extra truckloads.

2. Eddie Izzard. Forget Leno, forget Romano, forget Seinfeld, forget Carrottop, this guy should be the comic headliner in Vegas. Imagine him going off on a 15 minute jag about porn slappers.

3. Chris Isaak. He'd bring a bit of old Vegas back to Vegas, as he's a bit of Elvis mixed with a bit of the Rat Pack. His interaction with his band is definitely in the vein of Frank and Dino.

4. Steve Coogan as Alan Partridge. Think of the Frank Rosenthal Show on acid.

Ween: Make them the house band somewhere for a couple of months and you'll have constant, everchanging fun.

me, DonnyMac and Vespa: drunk off our collective asses, drinking beers and yelling at tourists

Cornelius. Very nice. Just watched (listened) to the Point 5.1 mixes. Amazing stuff.

How about Sunn0)))? Fog, men in robes, a ten foot tall Hungarian man chanting whilst fog and feedback envelope you. That would be quite a Vegas experience.

A party hosted by Spyder, Donnymac, and myself would definitely be legendary. Of course in order to not have it become a douchebag sausagefest, we would need someone at the door to only let the best in. Now there would be folks automatically invited, but we'd let some who only wish to be in the same venue as some legends.

Now where to hold it? Holding it Downtown would keep the douchebag factor down, but at the same time, it keeps the number of beautiful babies down, which is not a good thing. Maybe hire a few pornslappers to hand out invites to some beautiful babies walking around the Strip......

Vespa, I can watch the door for you. It'll have the cover for Men and Women* (*=hot chicks only, or if you've got a horse face but big boobs and a nice a$$ to make up for it, that works to).
That's exactly what the sign will say.

i'd throw Lemmy (from Motorhead, for the unknowing) on that list too.

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