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CRISS ANGEL (all caps) Believe (trademark)

By Chuckmonster on Friday, 9th May 2008 2:22am
  » filed under Las Vegas  comments: 3


Criss Angel Poser

I saw the damnedest thing the other day while out walkin the dog. I honestly did a double take, scratched my head, rippled my brow, shook my head and walked away - in disbelief. I honestly hoped that I hadn't seen it, but I kinda knew it was going to happen eventually. The angels above (or below?) sent two of 'em today, to prove that what I saw wasn't an isolated incident. Whatever could it be that would Warrants such an exposition?

Two poofy haired dudes wrapped in the full regalia of 80's metal. Multiple bandanas - wrapped around the thigh, hanging from studded belt, draped atop low cut flared motorcycle boots - torn t-shirts, shiny dangling chains, dark aviator shades... yeah, the whole Aqua Net schmear. One of em was even wearing a classic 5 point cop hat tilted way back on his plumed coiff. Maybe this doesn't seem odd to you, but it sure does to me. I was of that era of hair metal... to see it being culturally recycled - down to a ripped T - was... well... really fucking weird. I don't feel old, but apparently I am (38).

The distance between the event and the nostalgia for the event has gotten shorter and shorter with each nostalgia cycle. Eventually, within the next quarter of a century, the nostalgia cycles will be so close together that people will not be able to take a step without being nostalgic for the one they just took. at that point everything stops. Death by nostalgia. - Frank Zappa

The full metal posing guys reminded me of a photo on the CRISS ANGEL Believe ™ website. He's got his head tilted back giving all of us a great view of his bat caves, ostensibly looking cool or tough or ready to fight. He's got a slew of things around his neck - Sid Vicious rip off handcuffs, Ozzy inspired long dangly crucifix', a choker, and earrings in both ears (oh my). Frankly, it looks like he hired Nikki Sixx' post-Theatre of Pain stylist, or the guys who I saw walkin down the street the other day to put together his image.

Welcome to the Grand Illusion
Come on in and see what's happening
Pay the price, get your tickets for the show

I have zero idea what exactly it is that CRISS ANGEL Believe ™ is all about, nor do I give a RATTs ass either. I have a difficult time as it is swallowing the Cirque du Soleil thing. To a degree, we've all already seen Criss Angel's act - his public persona. With a first impression 'trick' being so obviously phony baloney, is it even remotely possible to suspend disbelief in his character long enough to actually BELIEVE?

Criss Angel stars as a surreal, enigmatic Victorian Noble. Along a path of imaginative exploration, he encounters Kayala and Crimson, two women who represent different aspects of femininity, four bizarre Ushers, who will introduce the audience to the baroque theater of Criss's [seriously? Criss's? - Ed] mind and a high-energy troupe of characters and dancers who mix a multitude of styles into a high-energy visual feast, punctuated by moments of grace and sensuality.

As with the hair metallurgists in my hood or yore and Angel's manufactured image, my ability to believe is tenuous going on heathen. Slather on an icing of semi-sensical, adjective-laden prose, penned by the copywriters at Cirque du Soleil HQ and the whole thing begins to tread dangerously close to Waiting For Guffman (at Luxor). Guffman's more metallically appropriate relative, This Is Spinal Tap - possibly the most quotable film ever - boils Cirque/Angel's question of belief into what could very well be the One and Only Commandment in the Book of Angel.

There's a fine line between stupid... and clever.

I can see the line. Can you?



Comments & Discussion:

That second to last quotation is in desperate need of, DYING for, a semicolon. I am led to believe that either:

(a) Kayala and Crimson are both two women AND four ushers, which is quite an accomplishment.

(b) or that these are items on a list, they're listed only by name, and the two women yadda yadda are two other characters.

Admittedly, the Quebecois are not known for their mastery of English. Zay beginning of zay sen-tahn-saws, I do not know where dey go.

Lol Spinal Tap! Yes!! Good quote from the movie, and yes, Criss Angel is a great big fake and his show is doomed to plumb new depths of dreadfulness.

That does not necessarily mean it will be a failure though...Carrot Top has been awful for years now and his show is still going strong eh?

We were in Vegas last week and went to the Luxor. WTF is up with the whole Criss Angel wing of the building? (The area to the left as you come off the Excalibur/Luxor walkway).
There's this one hallway that's nothing but Criss Angels motorcycles and stores. I heard he doesn't even know how to ride a motorcycle either. I HATE this guy with a passion. We saw his all blacked out Lamborghini in front of pHo last Saturday and a posse of some sort standing outside Heart Bar, I think it might've been him but I didn't crank my neck to look because I didn't care. I just assumed it was and walked off.

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