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Meanwhile, On The Dancing With The Stars Tour...

By Chuckmonster on Friday, 18th January 2008 7:56pm
  » filed under Wayne F. Newton  comments: 0


Our friend and hero - Wayne Fucking Newton is currently farting around the country singing a handful of his old chestnuts as part of the Dancing With The Stars Tour. According to the Cincinnati Enquirer, Wayne's portion of the show has proved to be... uh... interesting.

That brings us to Newton. There have been occasional reports about Newton's failing voice on and off for the last several years. And Thursday night, it was painful - even embarrassing - hearing him try to make his way through "Moon River." Scratchy, uneven and more often as not off-pitch, his singing was the show's low point.

Newton did better in the second act, when he fell back on his considerable charm with a half-singing, half-talking version of his 1963 hit, "Danke Schoen." While he performed, he made a victory lap of the 2400-square-foot stage, offering chaste smooches to females of all ages, even stopping to caress the bald pate of a ringside gentleman.

But there as no sign of the Wayne Newton of old, the Wayne Newton who crooned his way through a pantheon of standards and wowed even his greatest detractors with charisma. That guy just didn't show up.

Uh... hate to break it to ya Mr. Enquirer reporter, that guy you're talking about doesn't exist.



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