The Cooler

People who manipulate the non-scientific, yet perfectly true tenets of gambling

Posted by Chuckmonster

The CoolerEventually we split Ballys for Paris and the cooler brigade followed, exchanging potato chips and ice cream for cookies, coffee and crepes. Same story... but now I was cooled. I made a mad dash to the craps table in hopes for some respite, after getting all my numbers set with Come/Odds the coolers arrived to "watch" - next roll? Seven out. Fuuuuuuuck. God please let it end.

But it didn't.

Mr. Jackpots and another member of our party entered a poker tournament at Paris, all went well up until the final table when the cooler brigade began hovering around roped off section that Paris mistakenly calls a "poker room" - lassoing our friends involved in the tournament into their conversations. Shortly thereafter Mr. J and friend were ousted from the tournament. F-ing Coolers.

Freezing Out The Cooler

How do you deal with friends that are cooling you? Everybody has made a trip to Vegas with people who don't have a damn clue how to have a good time. They're afraid to gamble, or don't want or know how to entertain themselves otherwise. What do you do? Here are some options:

  • Run Interference - have other members in your posse distract the cooler group so other members can hit jackpots.
  • Suggest options with salesman precision - mention some activities or attractions that the coolers may enjoy. "You must be bored to death watching me hit these buttons aren't you? There's a Prada shop that has that bag you like..."
  • The Direct Approach - tell them the truth. "I love you, but hanging on me watching is affecting my mojo."
  • Screen Play - using mis-information to your advantage. Tell the friendly Cooler you are going up to your room to chill out, then slip out the back door and go to Bellagio.

Granted, sometimes this isn't as easy to do as you might think. But when your hard earned cash is on the line, you have the right to call the shots. Don't, under any circumstances, play victim to the Friendly Fridgidaire, unplug the bitch and let it thaw out. If this means you have to stop your play mid-session and go to do something non-gambling like shop for a Louis Vuitton bag or take in the Mac King Comedy Hour so be it - any gambling you do when the Coolers are in tow will end up in nothing but losses. Your best bet is to either remove the cooling element from your transom or stop gambling altogether.

Don't Let This Happen To You

Sometimes when you've been in the casino for too long you might notice that you are becoming the groups cooler. You've gotten beat at the tables/slots, spent a wad of cash at the Forum Shops, got rubbed the wrong way by another gambler or are just plain tired or hungry. Do yourself and your posse a favor, go away. Go outside and take some photos, go browse the gift shop, go up to your room and sit in the tub, go do something other than disrespect your gambling partners' mojo.

Owning up to being the cooler is a great way to eliminate the hex as well. "Guys, I'm being a cooler. I'm following you around like a lost puppy. I apologize. I'm going to go back to the room and read Showbiz Weekly while sittin' on the can. I'll call you later." Sometimes your friends might say "yeah you're being a cooler, you should take a break." Or they'll give you a hug and buy you a drink. Or they'll ignore you - in which case you have confirmed that you are the cooler. Get outta there ASAP.

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