Review: Las Vegas Little Black Book by David de Montmollin

A Guide to A Guy's Guide To The Perfect Vegas Weekend

Posted by Chuckmonster

Take Charge of Your Trip

Much like a General leading his troops into battle, it is your duty to take charge of your trip - assume leadership and form an effective battle plan, including exit strategy. According to deMontmollin, having a team leader will help set and maintain a tone for your trip and allow all activities to be centrally organized and managed. Wandering about Vegas with a disjointed bunch of tired, hungry and hungover guys whining like a bunch of bitches isn't anybodys idea of a good time. The Las Vegas Little Black Book outlines detailed daily itineraries with the fastidiousness of a Metro Bus Schedule. While this may be handy to the Type A group, we suggest that you keep our scheduling a little bit more flexible - breakfast buffet and poker at Bellagio, pooltime at Hard Rock, dinner and Avenue Q at Wynn Las Vegas, a quick scrub up then craps and clubbing till the morning at Caesars as a rough guide. You'll probably bail on Avenue Q and that's ok. Whether you choose to micromanage your team or apply broad-stroke outlining, having a solid battle plan prevents fatigue, combats hunger, allows for equal amounts of physical, mental, active, passive, sexual, and competitive titilation to keep your team fresh throughout the day - just don't over do it, downtime is important or you'll have nothing left to give if and when you boat the big fish.

Fishing in the Gene Pool

Speaking of fish, lets talk about bait. Worms are good bait, but they wilt, slide off the hook and don't work well in all kinds of fishing conditions. Kids fish with worms... fish see a lot of worms. Don't be a worm. Expert fishermen, know what lures work best in different conditions, for specific kinds of fish. Spin casting in weed beds isn't gonna catch you many Walleye and conversely trolling at a fast clip isn't gonna catch you too many largemouth bass. Bringing a group of heterosexual guys to a gay bar may boat a catch, but it will probably by another fisherman. You gotta know what you want to catch and how to bait your hook if you want a keeper.

So where are the best fishing holes in Vegas? According to Las Vegas Little Black Book:

from May-October (pool season):
1) Mandalay Bay
2) Treasure Island
3) Caesars Palace
4) Hard Rock
5) MGM Grand
6) Rio
7) New York-New York
8) Flamingo
9) Harrah's
10) Monte Carlo

from November-April:
1) Treasure Island
2) New York-New York
3) Caesars Palace
4) Caesars
5) Hard Rock
6) MGM Grand
7) Rio
8) Harrah's
9) Monte Carlo
10) Flamingo

According the Las Vegas Little Black Book, staying at any of these places will get you into the heart of the action (called The Red Zone - er... the pink zone?) and not cost you and your sausage buddies an arm and/or testicle. While we understand that Treasure Island has numerous hot ultralounges on premises and has remodeled itself as a sex playground, we suggest staying at Mirage and partying at Treasure Island. Staying at TI is mediocre vibes, staying at Mirage shows you've got heels on your shoes - it is, after all, a Steve Wynn joint and they just redecorated it. Our other nitpick: MGM and Monte Carlo, but no Wynn Las Vegas or Venetian? Venetian is chock full of clubbing (the brand new Tao nightclub and Vivid porn lounge), Wynn may be pricey, but you may score just because a lady wants to see the room or want a piece of your 401k.

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