Gambling Problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER

Sometimes, calling the gambling help line yields unexpected results

Posted by Chuckmonster

Monday, November 7, 2005 - 11:27pm

Operator: "Hello, Gamblers Anonomyous, how can I help you?"

Caller: "Hey... I'm in the middle of a hand here..."

Operator: "Sir?"

Caller: "I'm at the Taj playing Hold Em... antes are $50, blinds are $200-400 and my stack in the yellow/orange zone - down to 10x the big blind. There are 8 players left at the table."

Operator: "Sir, this hotline is for people with Gambling Problems."

Caller: "No shit. That would be ME. You see... this habitual blind stealer has raised to $1200 from first position. 2nd to act reraised. Now its $2.4k to go. I'm pretty much out of position but I've got a monster hand."

Operator: "Bullets?"

Caller: "Nope"

Operator: "Cowboys?"

Caller: "Nope"

Operator: "Ladies?"

Caller: "Nope"

Operator: "AK?"

Caller: "Yes"

Operator: "AK isn't a monster, sir. It's a drawing hand... a very exciting drawing hand. Is it suited?"

Caller: "Hearts"

Operator: "What about the reraiser?"

Caller: "Loose agressive... he might be steaming from the big dent he took previous. I have a hunch he's making a move to try and get his chips back from first position."

Operator: "If you went all-in would they have you covered?"

Caller: "Yah."

Operator: "How have you been playing big pocket pairs? Do you represent with big bets or slow play them?"

Caller: "I slow played aces two rounds ago"

Operator: "All the way to the River?"

Caller: "Folded them when 4 to a flush was out and I didn't have the nut."

Operator: "Lame."

Caller: "Totally lame."

Operator: "You're lame."

Caller: "Me?"

Operator: "Yes you... You let some cally wally beat your Aces with a low flush."

Caller: "What the fuck man?"

Operator: "Listen punk, I've been playing poker since your grandpa was in diapers. You stupid frat boy idiots think you know the game after watching it on TV, reading two chapters of a book, or playing on the internet where you can't look the other players in the eye, let alone pick up tells from their breathing patterns. Now you go step into a casino, in Jersey no less, and think that your 2nd grade poker education is going to make you a million dollars. Well I'll tell you son, it dosen't work that way. If you're gonna win, you gotta put your chips in the middle and be willing to go broke, not read about other people doing it. Just cause you watched "The Godfather" dosen't make you a mobster, you gotta go out there and kill boy. Murder in cold blood, attack your enemies when they're not expecting, have em wake up with a disembodied horse head in their bed, shoot em in the forehead in the middle of a restaurant, have their assistant poison their tea. Lemme ask you something kid. Are you willing to murder your own brother to win?"


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