Homeless In Vegas: Wayne Fucking Newton

Danke Schoen, Auf Wiedersehn, Danke Schoen

Posted by Chuckmonster

Yes, Wayne has been busy in the interim - IRS, USO and other acronyms occupying his time - but has his management been on vacation? Could Wayne be taking an extended sabbatical to ride his treasured horses, or fly his jet plane (oh thats right... he sold it) or maybe he's hovering over The Strip in his whirlybird waiting for the opportune time and location to touch down. Or maybe Mr. Las Vegas has accepted his vintage and will live long in the teeth like the last 5-10 years of the Sands until he is finally imploded and paved over like all Las Vegas treasures?

One thing is for sure, it sure is a lonely town without Wayne Fucking Newton on the marquee somewhere. But where oh where will Cirque du Wayne land next? Wynn, Venetian, MGM, Mirage, Mandalay - no "fucking" way. Flamingo, Ballys, Caesars, Paris, Aladdin? Don't think so... maybe Flamingo if Gladys Knight goes pips up or retires. Stardust? Been there, done that... plus they're gonna blow the place up in a few years. Riviera, Sahara, Stratosphere, Tropicana? Possibly, but they're all candidates for implosion in the next 10 years (except the Strat of course). Hilton? Maybe a coupla more limited runs or a longer one after Manilow skips town. Binions, El Cortez, Fiesta Station, Plaza, Mermaids, Neonopolis? Nope... even the great Wayne dosen't slum it.

What about the joints that haven't been built yet? Las Ramblas Las Vegas? Don't think so. Project CityCenter? Nuh-uh. Cosmo? Eh... no.

You wan't the answer? Ok... here it is:

The Golden Nugget. Yes folks, with Landry's fresh in the door and the hipster BS to be packed up and left on the Main St. sidewalk (along with Lon Bronson, Downtown Geordie Brown, and Mr. Tony Bennett) we see the new owners making a play to lure Mr. Las Vegas down under the canopy for a 2 year blockbuster contract. Wayne will fill the place, Lawry's will sell tons of their bad food, the blackjack tables will be converted to 6:5 or continuous shuffle games, odds on craps will go back to 3x 4x 5x, and all of Steve Wynn's achievements at the jewel of downtown will slowly fall ashamble when Wayne blows out of downtown in 2008. Oscar Goodman will piss his boxers as he continues to bubble up about the rejuvenation of downtown, Landry's will sell to Boyd who will own most of downtown by then for a song and the whole Fremont Street casino center will be levelled to make a replica of Fremont Street but with kick-ass accomodations, a kick-ass semi-open air casino and dual use condos.

Of course, I could be way off base here... but i'm willing to lay odds that Wayne ends up at the Nugget.

Danke Schoen, darling Danke Schoen
Thank you for seeing me again
Though we go, on our seperate ways
Still the memory stays, for always
My heart says, Danke Schoen
Danke Schoen, Auf Wiedersehn, Danke Schoen

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