Walk the Walk of Game, Not of Shame

How to keep your dignity when you lose everything else

Posted by Jacquie O

What happens in Vegas staying in Vegas is a beautiful thing. But take a moment to think about how things happen while they're happening. You can leave your dignity and inhibitions at the border, but whatever happens, have it transpire smoothly, comfortably and with some class and style.

It's about being prepared. I'm not talking just packing your clothes and toiletries; have a simple backup plan to take care of the little mishaps during your Vegas tripping. If you think you can tear it up, get lit, get laid, put on public spectacles, or pull off other shenanigans without encountering some difficulties along the way, think again.

I like to call the outcome of that unprepared state the Walk of Shame. What is the Walk of Shame? Typically, it's wearing evidence from the night before on your person as you greet the following day in all its sunny glory. Anyone who knows how to have a good time in Vegas knows it's no typical night out; it's a 12- to 15-hour adventure--minimum--and during which time your hotel room may be inconveniently out of the way.

Think stinky disheveled clothing, a pounding headache, thirst, hunger, the anguish of no protection from glaring sunlight as you trek on foot between hotels, trekking on foot I repeat, broke-ass empty pockets, bad breath, morning-after anxiety from that shady one-night-stand, and the list goes on.

Emerge from a splendidly wild night fresh-faced, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed by doing what the shrewd Vegas-tripper would do: create your own Sin City Survival Kit.

For starters, let's cover the most likely scenarios on any given night in Vegas:

- Someone spills a drink on you
- Some drunk loser pummels you
- Inheriting the cab driver's stank
- Scoring a one-night-stand
- Getting hammered
- Getting hammered and subsequently becoming ill
- Suffering food poisoning (a frequent complaint)
- Running out of money
- Losing a critical button from your clothing

Now that you get the idea, it's easy to figure out what you need. Here's a sample list--just tailor it according to your needs:

Gents, wear something with deep or plentiful pockets, whether jacket or pants, or get yourself a nifty holster-like bag you can discreetly strap to your leg underneath your pants.

For ladies who don't dig handbags, purchase a small clutch or wristlet; they're more like a slim wallet with a wristband attached.

The Kit:

- 2 to 3 pieces of breath-freshening gum or mints
- 2 pain relievers (avoid those with acetaminophen if you'll be boozing it up)
- A stomach relief tablet (like Mylanta)
- A small food bar, like chocolate, granola, or power bar (don't forget to eat while boozing)
- At least 5 quarters (for a phone call, morning bus ride, vending machine or other automated source of relief)
- Cell phone (just because you're on vacation doesn't mean you should ditch it)
- Condom(s)
- Small comb
- Cheap, compact pair of sunglasses
- Wet nap (a small, wet, pre-packaged sanitation cloth, available at at all casino cages and at some casual restaurants)
- A compact sewing repair kit (they're the size of a matchbook and you can often find them in your hotel room's bathroom)
- Cologne or perfume sample (like the ones they hand out at the mall; while many of us hate fragrances to no end, this may conquer cabstank if worse comes to worse)
- An extra T-shirt or wifebeater (one thin enough to roll up and tuck into a pocket or wear right underneath your garb)

It may seem like a lot, but if you're crafty you'll figure it out. And again, this is according to your needs. If you're not crafty, well, then just hold your head up high during the Walk of Shame and deal.

Now you're set. May all your Vegas tripping adventures be bright and done right.

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