New York New York Park Avenue : The VT Review 2011
Peeping New Rooms At The Small Apple
Ed Koch. The Beastie Boys. Willie Randolph. The Ramones. Sue Simmons & Chuck Scarborough. Phil Rizzuto for The Money Store. Wonderama. If you can make it there, you'll make it anywhere. I'm talking about New York. My birthplace. The town I forsook for sunshine and silicone twenty years ago. As they say, you can take the boy out of The City but you'll never take The City out of the boy. I may have traded in my 'fuggetaboutits' for California dudespeak but given enough drinks and/or traffic snafutti, my subconscious New Yorker will gladly flip you off or give you some choice words to chew on. Go ahead, try me.
Therein lies my issue with New York New York, the hotel casino in Las Vegas. It's a fraud. Yeah, the crazy taxi roller coaster - cute. The Statue of Liberty - cute. The steaming manhole covers in the food court - cute. The snarky advertising and fake goomba "Vinny" mascot - cute. Ornery casino dealers, bitchy waitresses, cranky hotel employees - now were getting somewhere. In its most basic form New York - New York Hotel and Casino is a cover band. I'm sure folks from Paris feel the same way about Paris, as do Venusians about the Venetian and pirates about Treasure Island. This is why I've never stayed here. Until now.
After hearing rumors of hotel furnishing auctions and seeing evidence that The Small Apple had renovated some of their aging decor, I figured now or never. I booked the room via MGM Resorts' reservation engine at rate of $123/night, $140 with tax that ballooned to $160 with resort fee.
I arrived to a virtually empty lobby, save two attendants quietly attending to nothing. Great! I hate lines. After explaining the details of my reservation, the clerk made mention that there was an additional resort fee which I was required to pay. I played dumb. Not just dumb, but "Vinny" dumb. "Are you kidding me? I hope this is some kind of fucking joke. After paying all this money to stay in your hotel yous gonna nickel and dime me to death with a stupid fucking fee?" The clerk responded with the "it is hotel policy and clearly mentioned when booking your hotel room that there is an additional resort fee. The fee includes...." line. "Ah fuhgetit" I said as I handed over my card for the fee and incidentals charge. My card returned with keys and directions to the elevator bank. Yeah, I was a dick. On purpose. Speaking up for the legion of VegasTrippers who hate MGM's stupid resort fees. Choogottaaproblemwiddat?