The Plaza In A Pinch For A Pinch

RoachClipCharly's Review of the Downtown Plaza

Posted by RoachClipCharly

Plaza In A Pinch

The fried Twinkie from Mermaids was ticking time bomb the moment its greasy goodness nestled into my frail stomach lining. I thought I had learned my lesson years prior at a state fair when a fried Milky Way made an unpleasant exit, but a few one (five) hits in the Binion's parking garage can make you forget some of the unfortunate past. I figured I had 15 minutes - 20 tops - before that sucker stared doing the backstroke down my alimentary canal. I was going to need some alone time, and a public stall in downtown Vegas would not offer the privacy or decorum I'm accustomed to.

Necessity may be the mother of invention, but it's also the stepbrother of adventure. Not always a cool stepbrother, though. Many times it's the stoner kid with long, greasy hair and a seemingly endless supply of black heavy metal t-shirts, pot, and way too much porn. He's got a three foot Graphix bong in his closet next to a stack X-rated DVDs from Europe where Russian women take on a farm. While he's cool about sharing his weed with you, you're creeped out every time you sit down in his room for fear of sitting in something sticky. Well my friends, welcome to The Plaza.

I clenched-cheek-waddled under the daylight grey Fremont Street Experience canopy to one of the oldest hotels in town, The Plaza. The squat, mid-50's woman at the front desk gave me a $19.95 rack rate ($27.78 with taxes and junk). "Sold American!" I exclaimed as I raised my hand in a $20 bargain victory salute. The rate would probably have been triple jacked had they known a HazMat team would have to be called in to secure the room upon my departure.

If you haven't been to the Plaza, I'll spare you the details of the casino floor. It's pretty typical for an older casino that hasn't seen a renovation since Ponderosa was cancelled (and there's nothing lucky about the $7.77 buffet, unless you consider meat like entrees swimming in gelatinous juices good fortune). The elevator is creaky and smells like a dead bum, the hallways are dank and depressing. Opening the door of my room I expected the worst, but I was in need of relief. My intestine obstruction was beginning to cause paralysis.

Much to my surprise, the room wasn't that bad. In fact, you could do a lot worse in Vegas (read: Circus Circus). The carpet was old and spotty, the bed was of relative comfort, the room was bigger than average, but the TV was a 27" piece of crap. Speaking of which, I spent most of my time in the bathroom. Functional it is, fancy it ain't. Stripped of amenities other than towels, toilet paper, and a bottle claiming to contain shampoo/conditioner, the commode was clean and useful. Mostly done up in charcoal colored tile and sandy counter tops and walls. Overall It reminded me a little of the rooms at the Orleans, but with a hobo urine scent added for fun. Yes, there was a weird stank in the room, and it didn't come from me (honest!) But there was an unusual odor no matter where I turned. I think they could get this to work for them. In this era of de-theming casinos, the Plaza could buck that trend re-branding it as a resort of "A Million and One Funky Stinks." The promotional possibilities are endless. While the room seemed clean enough, I still never felt really comfortable. I had a feeling like a strung out pimp could bust through the door at any moment or I was settling into one of those sticky spots from the aforementioned stepbrother.

I think I stayed 35 minutes. 15 minutes to take care of big business, and 20 to rest, watch the end of an episode of Seinfeld, and kill whatever odor I created or that was already there with a skunky doobie. I was pleasantly surprised with my trip of necessity and adventure to the Plaza. While the casino and all of the other public areas I could stomach could easily be confused for a methadone clinic run by people on acid, the rooms weren't bad - and for $20 a bona-fide bargain, but I'll never stay there again. I also said I'd never have a fried confection on a stick again, and you see where that got me.



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Comments & Discussion


Dood,

$28 to drop a deuce is a bit pricey no? I'm sure you could have paid less at the Gold Spike

too bad you couldn't wait a little longer - i'm sure that would have made for quite a lovely aroma for the lobby at Encore

extended bong shit = priceless.


ps. this story was not fact checked. we're not journalists (thank god)

Roach, I am still laughing at your review. Might you have spent a little more and floated a Baby Ruth Bar in the pool at the Golden Nugget? You could have the whole pool to yourself. Your 35 minutes sounds a lot like the 3G rule of downtown hookers. Get in, get off, get out.

I think if I put a chocolate bar in a downtown pool it would be noticed only at the Nugget.

What a great review! Problem is, that's where I stay when the guys do a Vegas trip!

Yes, The Plaza has its "quirks" but the staff is usually great, comps are good and I've known quite a few royals that's been hit in that joint.

As you said, it's clean and when I'm in Vegas I look for the three S's. Shit, shower, shave and sleep. I can catch up on TV when I get home. If there's a game on, it's freakin' Vegas baby! The game is on somewhere!

One of the benefits of downtown is exactly what you stated. When you have to take the Browns to the Superbowl, your room is but a few steps away. I've stayed at the Venetian and forget about it. It's gonna take an hour just to get out of the casino, then another 20 to get to the elevator and 15 to get back to the room. By that time, you may as well chuck the boxers in the nearest potted plant and head back.

I've been staying at this place going on ten years now, that smell, just seems like home to me.... LOL!

Great site!

Peace.

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